Were you Dorothy Mantoothed? I may not be a saint, but I definitely had this stunt pulled on me.
Now, chances are that there is a reason why we were wined, dined, and dismissed with or without a call/letter/post-it note. I can think of two situations in particular where I was convinced I had the job, and yet wound up drinking my tears afterwards. Dramatic? Yes. But my hopes had been so high it was a particularly difficult blow to deal with. After the tears stopped flowing and I stopped the repeat showing of Love Actually (and yelling at Snape for being such a wanker), I started to think. Irrespective of each interviewer telling me I basically had the job after the interview, there were definite red flags. So, I would like to share a revelation I gleaned from each experience. These may or may not be why I didn't get the job, but they are good things to avoid. So, read, hopefully don't laugh too hard at me, and learn from my second date stand-up.
One piece of advice I've always tried to follow is be in control of the interview. It helps relax me, fills awkward silences, lets the interview become more like a dialogue while showing the interviewer I am prepared and interested. These are all good things. But, you need to watch that it does not turn against you. If you find yourself across the table from tears or snort-laughter, you may be in trouble.
1. Keep the interview on course. In the first interview, there was too much laughter. I was so in control of the conversation that the interviewer didn't realize he was interviewing me. He stopped asking me relevant questions and instead was asking me about my favorite kind of beer while regaling me with stories of his colleagues' drinking parties. Basically, my interviewer was telling me frat stories, thoroughly enjoying himself and my company, but completely oblivious to the fact that I was interviewing for a serious position that I really wanted. In my head I thought, people like talking about themselves. So this is good, right? Laughter is good? He's comfortable, so that's good? No. No. No. It was not. He may have enjoyed the interview, but he had barely two sentences to report back to his partners regarding my capabilities or ambitions. That is not a good thing. I let the conversation get steered too far away from what matters. I've since learned ways to steer conversations back to my skills and desire for the job, and I employ these tactics whenever I start hearing about drinking games, awkward or unethical stories, or snort-laughing.
2. Don't ask questions you don't know the answer to. This is true for cross-examination, and it is true for interviews. It is good to ask the interviewer questions, but you do not want to ask questions that may upset the interviewer. A question may seem harmless. Maybe on the firm's website the attorney's biography mentioned involvement in an organization that you are interested in. You instantly think, by gum, we have something in common. This is going to be great! But what if the attorney hated the organization or was forced out or had a fist-fight over a knock-off Prada purse with another member? Now, you likely have no way of knowing if this is the case. And since it was on the firm's site, you assumed it was a safe topic. So you bring it up and the attorney clearly and immediately gets visibly upset, and almost starts crying as you try to resteer your question, without knowing why the question or topic is so upsetting. This is awkward beyond all belief and highlights the potential problem with asking questions you don't know the answer to. The issue is that the interviewer will now associate you with an unpleasant part of their past. While this may not be irreversibly damning, it is bad. So, stick to non-personal topics and to questions that you at least have some inkling of what the answer is going to be.
Like getting dumped, getting rejected from a job is emotionally draining, confusing and filled with ice cream. But don't worry, you'll rebound or you'll find that great job that isn't a rebound and doesn't dump you and you eat ice cream together because it's fun and not to fill a void. I mean, you'll be in job heaven. But til then, we have rebounds and bad breakups and ice cream.
My most recent rebound was riddled with fur, left my feet aching, and provided me the opportunity to freak out a bank employee. All I will say about my rebound job is that I made a lot of tips, in one evening, in small bills. I took 100 singles, bound them with a rubber band, and proceeded to my local bank branch to deposit this money into my bank account. I waited in line for awhile until a male teller called me over to his window. I handed him my deposit slip and the giant wad of cash. He started to count the money and asked casually if I was a server, assuming I would say yes. The "No" caught him off-guard. It became obvious that he was both curious about the singles and also mortified as he started to handle them much more gingerly. I'm not sure if it took longer because he wanted it to or because he was trying to have as little contact with the bills as possible, but I just smiled as he counted and handed me my deposit slip several minutes later. He did not see my smile though, as he was unable to speak or make eye contact after the revealing "No." So the next time you want to freak out your bank teller without the fear of going to jail, get singles, lots of 'em, and not from waiting tables. Plus you'll be $100 richer. It's a win-win.
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